You Can Be Productive and Still Feel Lost
- 2 days ago
- 3 min read
Right now, I feel like I’m in a kind of “flow” with my projects. But this clarity didn’t come from finally figuring everything out. It came after a long period of feeling like I was doing the exact opposite. For months, I moved between moments of thinking “I’ve got it” and moments where everything felt completely overwhelming. My mind was full of ideas, and I was trying to do everything at once… without any real structure. I didn’t expect how quickly that could turn into pressure.
Instead of settling into it, I added more. More ideas, more projects, more expectations. I was creating constantly, but I was also constantly exhausted. Even though I was doing so much, I had this underlying feeling that I wasn’t doing enough, or that I wasn’t moving forward. That I still hadn’t figured it out. Looking back now, I realize something I didn’t understand at the time:
You can be productive and still feel completely lost.
It wasn’t until February, when I was visiting my sister and her newborn, that something shifted. I sat in cafés for two hours each day and started writing things down, just trying to understand what I actually wanted. I gave myself and my thoughts room. I did something very simple: listed everything I was working on. And I started crossing things out. That was one of the biggest shifts. Because what I didn’t expect was that moving forward wouldn’t come from doing more. It came from doing less - but with more clarity. And that’s where I got a clearer understanding of ALIVA.
ALIVA isn’t just one thing. It’s not just my artworks, or just cooking, or just events. It’s a space where all of these parts can exist together, a space where I can create, host, experiment, and build something that isn’t limited to one format.
This is where ALIVA TABLE comes in.
A format within ALIVA. It’s my way of bringing food and art into dialogue, not in a fixed or defined way, but as an open exploration:
What happens when you experience art through food?
What happens when something visual becomes something you can taste?
What happens when we remove the idea that there is a “right” way to experience something?
I’ve always found traditional art spaces a bit intimidating, like you’re expected to understand something in a certain way. I want to move away from that. I want to create something that feels open, accessible, and playful. My mail club still remains and is growing within ALIVA TABLE.
There are moments, like right now, where I feel like I’m starting to understand what I’m building. And then I know there will be moments again where everything feels uncertain. Where I question everything. Where I feel like I should just stop. And I don’t want to hide that anymore. I don’t want this space to become a collection of finished outcomes - polished artworks, perfect dinners, or highlights of what worked.
I want it to include everything: The process. The behind-the-scenes. The unfinished ideas.
The moments of clarity, and the moments where nothing makes sense at all.
Because that’s what this actually is. Not a finished concept (yet). But something that is constantly unfolding.
And yes… there is more.
The Inner Courts series I created is still something I deeply care about. But for now, I’ve consciously decided not to put a timeline on it. It’s one of the things I crossed out on my list. What I do know is that I will return to it.
Working with people and their stories takes time, and it’s a process I want to respect and not rush.
So for now, you will see much more of the ALIVA TABLE process.
And if you feel confused by all the projects… honestly, so am I sometimes haha.
But right now - and I’ve been saying this for the past few weeks, which feels like a good sign - I feel clearer and more confident in the direction of this whole ALIVA cosmos.
Art, food, events and the “behind the scenes”. A cosmos that reflects me.
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